I’ve kept my world-wide open. Looking for the motion to fall into. Omitting nothing but my own fears. Life is like a roller coaster, winding in, up, around and back down from time to time. The time is always packing up and leaving, only to be found through the very next experience that we’re so freely granted. Life is all possibility, life is chance and trials and hopes. We’ve got much to learn and much to teach. As our worlds revolve around what we know and what we’re used to we seldom feel comfortable leaving things of comfort. We hardly break the shell of indifference for fear of difference itself. We rarely venture from the circles that line our boundaries, in fear of returning and being different.
When you allow chance, you allow surprise. Your life desperately deserves surprise as much as it does chance. Nothing short of complete life, you deserve to live. Every breath a is a gift most often painstakingly taken for granted.
You and I, we’ve been delegated a life. The freedom to live freely and love greatly. Because He loved, we can now love.
Lately I’ve forgotten how precious life is, taking for granted great friendships and family in my life. I’ve not forgotten them, no, not close. But I’ve taken the relationships that uphold who i am today for sake.
The story my life once told was reckless abandonment. Fine details of corrupted selfishness…
The ones that once witnessed the craze of my life are those that can testify the change that life has brought to me today. It would be selfish to say i did it without them. It would have never been possible without their love, never ending love. Love that i once took for granted.
Having witnessed our own selves’ change, we must now go forward, equip with the very love that changed us and change others.
Love someone today, and tell them why they mean something to you.
The key my friends, is to hunt your deepest fears and recognize distractions that are leading you nowhere but away from what you want in life. Look deeply within yourself; define your greatest barrier, that thing that captures your most attentive self. It could possibly be one of the toughest things you’ll ever do individually. But God says, that which we seek will be found. I’ve once heard that if man overcomes himself; man can then conquer anything. How is it that we often become our own worst enemy? It’s not supposed to be that way.
Think about it.
A man will never run if he cannot first walk. He will never jump if he does not first run and he will certainly never fly if he does not jump. This story’s moral can be simplified to this: Seek refinement for yourself wholly, take life in small portions and your journey will find it’s complete with time.
Lord fill me with patience and perseverance. Be The Shepard of my thoughts and desires. Take my feelings; direct them as You will, Father. I want nothing more than Your hand in this. Lead and guide such adventure to the ending You have already in mind. Swing open the doors of Love widely so that we may Love And Be Loved. Guide this passion, our trust. This story.
Because without you? I am nothing.
As a kid i was told i could become whatever i wanted to become. You know what i wanted to be? Here they are in preference order.
3. Police Man
4. Race Car Driver
I laugh when i think about the statement “You can be whatever you want to be, son.” I laugh not because i don’t believe. I laugh because i believe in that statement wholeheartedly. I still think that i can be whatever i want to be. Although my ideal job has changed from being an astronaut to a counselor, my mind still dreams of achieving what it wanderlusts about. Helping.
That goes to say, what we want may take extraordinary amounts of effort, sweat and tears. Dreams hardly come true with minimal effort. Often its what we fear most that keeps us from achieving our dreams. I know in many cases of my life, i have found that resistance is a test of how much you want something. What kind of effort are you willing to put in to achieve your goal/dream job/life/person.
Don’t be afraid to chase your dreams whatever they are. Because dreams are meant to be caught.
In this moment my hunger runs deep with the breeze as my hands roll with un-worldly distraction. My wanderings at a current halt find me here with the busyness of others ever-so speeding.
Wisdom has brought me here to only take me elsewhere.
As i leap through this path, this journey, the unknown is surely as beautiful as the butterfly that just landed near me.
Through these times i will strive and through the darkness i will shine. There is more to come, more to give and more to learn about this life i lead.
So often in life we find ourselves “idealizing” things to fit our imagination and what we expect out of someone, something, some plan or event. It’s almost as if we imagine it will come true or the chances of it coming true are better if we think “we know what to expect.”I know this pattern all too well and i can give complete thanks to my summer for helping me stumble across this realization that holding a set of expectations is almost impossible to do.
If you will allow me to explain a few things before we discuss this issue i think you will better understand where i am coming from. I’ll start with me and who I am personally. I am the type of person that finds peace of mind with a check list, a to-do list that i can cross off one, by, one until i complete each task successfully. I find content in knowing what comes next in my day, I find it easier to finish one thing if i know what I need to focus on next. In fact, as I write I just realized something….I needed to call back a woman to pester her about a job, so, I literally just put that on my to-do list. As you can see my mind operates in intervals of completion. I like to see what is ahead so i can prepare myself on what to expect next.
At the beginning of summer 10′ I was preparing myself for the epicness of what was brewing and what was to come. I had applied for several different internships. One of them in Uganda, one in Nashville and a local internship. I had my seeds planted and was prepared for a new experience that I had much been anticipating. At this point i was so excited I could hardly contain my emotions I was so ready to get away and to seek adventure of the unknown. I was about to stampede on a summer long journey that was expecting to be life changing. I was offered two of the three positions I applied for. Full of excitement I was. Now all i had to do was decide which was top on my priority list.
Funny enough, my priority list was chosen for me when my car had broke down leaving me with a broken car and a sum of money to fix the listed repairs. Nevertheless my plans had changed drastically. I was facing the reality of….brokeness….I hadn’t worked much through the school year so my bank account was empty and my current situation was going to require thousands of dollars to move forward….So i did what anyone would do. I explored my options. I moved to the next thing on my check list of things that were important to me.
I have been on the 5 year plan with my college degree. So, logically i thought that focusing on school wasn’t such a bad idea. So that’s what i did. I enrolled with a full schedule of classes and planned to live on campus and work diligently to knock some of my required classes out to finish my minor. I made my plans and proceeded on with my idea of what my summer was going to look like now that it had changed so much. It wasn’t what I originally expected but I wanted to make the best of it so I adapted… Soon after jumping through the educational hoops to get enrolled. I got a call from a family friend and I was offered a job in Oklahoma City. A job offer that I could hardly resist. So, I did what I needed to do. I took the job because I was completely broke and had bills to pay. But, I still wanted to take classes so I decided to re-enroll in online class and move home for the rest of summer to focus on school and work.
If you havent noticed the pattern yet, hang tight, because I think you will soon…
So I was starting my new job and I had switched my classes to be online. Everything was great. I was planning on going to Zambia, Africa with a group called the LUKA Foundation to help rebuild a community center for Zambian children to go to school and church at. With everything that had already fallen through, i had a sense of expectancy and excitement for this trip. There was no way this wasn’t going to happen. The trip had been in works for several months and i had so driven me through the last year knowing that I was going back to Africa for my second trip. I love Africa, that place changed my heart. But, plans decided to change once again…
Things didn’t quite work out how i had expected them too. My trip to Africa fell through.
I know what you are thinking, wow, who is this guy? He has the worst luck. And to some extent you are right, I’ve been given that title before, but, this summer was different. I had the plan. I had every thing lined up in my mind. I was setting out to accomplish something and I didn’t work out. Better said, I set out for a lot of different things and they didn’t work out… So throughout this summer i have been banging my head wondering why…? What could I have done differently. I’ve been looking back in regret thinking that I should have made some decisions differently. So many things have raced through my mind of what I could have done to change how things ended up. Entirely this summer was not as bad as it sounds. I’ve had some great experiences that I would not have otherwise had if I had been out wandering the world, but, i have realized some things through my experience of “falling through.”
With each and every thing that we idealize we create a false image in our head. An image that can only be created by our imagination. An image compiled from our libraries of our memories and experiences that are being combined to create an “idea” of what something may or may not be. To re-create something that our imagination has created is nearly impossible to match in life because the best parts of our experiences have created that idea, expectation of someone or even as something as simple as how a food will taste.
No matter what our expectations are there will always be a twist in the story somewhere. We can never fully expect what is to come. All we can do is expect the unexpected.
As this summer began I expected to travel, to grow, to see things that I never thought I’d see, to be stretched by new experiences and journey into an epic new stage of my life. But throughout all the planning and the falling through I think that I’ve realized something more valuable and more applicable to the life i am living.
I’ve realized that although preparation is the key to success. Change is inevitable and no matter the circumstances the chances of things ending up differently than we planned them are very high. Before summer 10′ I truly thought I was adaptable and good at accepting things that i couldn’t change. I now know that there is nothing more frustrating but eye-opening about being accepting and adaptable to the things you cannot change. It’s hardly funny but what you think won’t happen could very easily change in the blink of an eye.